Tips for men acting as caregivers

In a role traditionally taken on by women, a growing number of men are becoming primary caregivers for their wives or elderly parents. According to a comprehensive study conducted for AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving in 2004, 39 percent of an estimated 44.4 million caregivers are males. 

Whether an ill spouse or parent has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, heart disease, cancer, stroke or hip fracture, male caregivers often find their new role to be overwhelming. Most men have grown up in a culture, in which females have been perceived as the primary family nurturers. Yet more men than ever are rolling up their sleeves and helping their family members with day-to-day tasks such as preparing meals, cleaning the house, bathing and managing medications. 

Men may find themselves sandwiched between elder care and child care, and as they juggle work, family and the needs of an aging spouse or parent, their frustration can often turn into exhaustion and burnout. But with the right support, men can find that caregiving is a rewarding experience.   

John Baker, 60, an agent for Prudential California Realty in Camarillo, recently spoke about his experience with his own elderly parents. “I moved here from Wisconsin in 2005 just to be around for them. There are many challenges. The decisions are difficult. The roles get reversed from parent to child. Women are typically more into caring for the needs of people. Men are more typically the breadwinners.”

Here are tips to support the male caregiver.

•Recognize the emotions you are feeling and ask for help. Being thrown into the role of a caregiver for the first time can be overwhelming and stressful. One way to deal with stress is to use a sense of humor. Laughing is good physically and helps everyone around feel better.

It’s also good to walk or meditate. Talk with a supportive person or local support group about feelings. If a family member or friend asks if they can help, try saying “yes.” Consider getting assistance from a professional organization to help with daily tasks.

•Take care of your health. Caregiving is demanding, and it is essential for caregivers to take care of their own health. Those who get sick or exhausted are no longer able to help their loved one. Eat nutritious meals. Get enough sleep. Try a nap during the day. Get regular medical checkups. Take a break by listening to to music, reading a book or playing a sport. Work exercise into the daily routine, even if it means finding someone else to provide care while going to the gym.

•Learn to balance caregiving and career. Caregiving can be a full-time commitment, making it difficult to maintain a regular work schedule. However, keeping a job may be important to many people. Whether it’s for the salary, medical benefits or personal satisfaction, don’t give up a job too soon. Be understanding about the employer’s needs and try to agree on a plan that works for everyone. Look into home care options while working.