Families find ways to make it work when ....

A growing number of families are taking in older parents. Members of this group, deemed the sandwich generation, are caring for their aging parents while supporting their own children, often in their own homes.

As of 2008, a record 49 million Americans, or 16.1 percent of the total U.S. population, lived in a multigenerational household, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of census data. The Pew Research Center also found that from 2007 to 2008, the number of Americans living in a multigenerational family household grew by 2.6 million.

Kay Hudelson, program director for Golden Umbrella's Adult Day Healthcare, said this is a challenging time for families. Hudelson had her mother living with her when her children (now grown) were teenagers.

"You are still trying to get the kids to soccer practice and worrying about how to take care of mom because she can't be left alone anymore," Hudelson said.

For Celeste Spencer of Shasta, the realities of the sandwich generation are part of her everyday life. Spencer moved her 88 year-old mother, Dorinda Nyland, into her household in 2007.

"My husband, John, and I both said, 'We are going to figure it out one step at a time.' We weren't sure how it would work for the kids, John, her or me. We decided to try it," Spencer said.

Spencer, whose mother has Alzheimer's disease, admits there are challenges, but says there are rewards, too.

"Everything has to be arranged. We don't have a get-up-and-go factor. The natural horsing around and rowdiness of teens as well as the emotions in the house had to be toned down," Spencer said.

"On the other hand, we are closer as a family. We are a team instead of parents against the teenagers. It has definitely taken the 'me' factor out of the teen years. Also, my mother is the kids' No. 1 fan. She is enthused about whatever they do."

It's important for families to be aware of the ramifications of having an aging parent live with the family, said Don Ostendorf, a licensed marriage and family therapist with the Don Ostendorf Center for Counseling in Redding. "But there is a lot of joy too and a lot of good can come from it," he said.

Hudelson said it was important that caregivers ask for help.

"Do not try to do it all on your own. I had my mom at adult daycare, my kids helped and I had someone come in to help also," Hudelson said.

Ostendorf agrees.

"The reality is you can only do what you can do," Ostendorf said.

This is a lesson that Spencer said it was hard for her to learn.

"I tend to meet everyone else's needs," she said. "I had to make some me time or go crazy."

According to Spencer, her situation is helped by her mother's sweet personality. She also says that as a daughter, she knows her mother (who took care of her own parents) is living her worst fear.

"There is a day when I won't be able to take care of everything. You have to deal with it step by step. You do your best. You can't go crazy. You have to have a team effort," Spencer said. "I want to keep her safe, happy and comfortable and lead her into the sunset of her life."

Julie Marsh is a freelance writer in Redding.